you're scrolling linkedin in bed. that guy from your batch just posted about his "incredible evening at the product conclave." 147 likes already.
you were there. you saw him. standing by the coffee station for 20 minutes, opening and closing twitter. eating his third cookie. just like you were.
but his post makes it sound transformative. "fascinating conversation with the cto of [series b startup]." "key takeaways on scaling engineering teams." "grateful for these learning opportunities."
i run india’s top community for professionals. we have 4,500 paying members. my entire business model depends on you believing networking matters. but what we're going to read today might not even sound like networking.
today i’ll cover how to choose the right rooms to be in. what it actually means to add value. how to do this at different stages of your career i.e. early (3+ yrs), mid (7+ yrs) and senior (12+ yrs).
that's why we network, right?
yes, we are. we want things to be given to us like an instruction manual, we want cookbooks, we want step by step guides.
so, how do you find that serendipity? how do you build surface area of luck? how do you network without the scam?
here’s my take. it’s simple. and has three rules.
sokrati wasn't an event. it was an environment that selected for ambition. find places where the default behavior matches your aspirations.
2/ take actions, not meetings. i didn't schedule coffee with abhishek. i edited his article. he didn't pitch me his ideas. he wrote them. actions create connection. meetings create calendar blocks.
3/ give them value. curation (filter the noise for them) or use your topic expertise (teach them something specific) or anything that actually helps their specific problem.
let’s dive deeper pay attention.
aka communities.
it's that we think networking is about meeting people. it's not. it's about choosing environments. it's about becoming someone worth knowing. in the right room.
but what about luck, UD? oh yes, serendipity. meeting your future spouse in a random party that you almost cancelled going, meeting your co-founder on a foosball table (that's abhishek & i 😉).
isn’t this all serendipity? serendipity is basically luck. and luck has a surface area to it. want to get lucky at something? do more of it. luck is by definition more likely to strike. but we discount all the actions and circumstances that led us there. we take that moment to be lucky. what about everything you did to put yourself in that position
**here’s how i met abhishek. abhishek and i met on a foosball table at work (sokrati). cute story. but we both chose sokrati for the same reasons. sokrati encouraged young people to take ambitious bets, not play safe. not kidding, abhishek literally walked out of his job at tech mahindra in the first week, he didn’t find any learning there. i chose sokrati because i got to work with ashish (founder & ceo). he was amazon's lead pm in 1998, building their growth products like recommendation engine, ad optimisations etc. every time i spoke to him he would send me chasing to the most ambitious goal, and i loved it.
what exactly is a community? is it a newsletter you subscribe to? a whatsapp group you're added to? a slack workspace with 50,000 members? a conference you attend twice a year? no yaar, that’s not a community.
a community is a group of people who believe in the same thing, or care about the same problem and are chasing that journey together.**
and people matter. oh do they fucking matter. wayyy more than we can ever give them credit. think about just where you learnt everything you know today. did it come from courses? nope. books? nope. it came from actually working. in your professional life. it came from being in a room with sharp folks at work. someone asks a smart question, your mind lights up. "interesting. why didn't i think of that?" it subconsciously pushes you harder.
energy is contagious. when someone's killing it, their drive feeds the whole room. when someone's being a downer, they kill the entire mood. just like that one person who ruins a road trip vibe.
communities just work. and let me tell you- communities are not new. contrary to twitter and linkedin belief, it might feel like communities have been invented by tech bros. nope.
what's the oldest community? can you take a guess? it’s religion :)
all religions exists to solve the problem of "finding clarity - why am i here? what’s my purpose in life? why do feel so lost?" people who believe that certain practices and actions get them to that clarity, come together.
political parties are communities ideologies on how to solve the world's problems
shared suffering, shared wins, shared identity around performance
standards of craft, appreciation of technique, pursuit of perfection
communities work because people aren't there to "network." they're there because they believe in something. they're pursuing something. they're becoming something.
that's why networking events fail. there's no shared belief except "maybe someone here can help my career." that's not a belief. that's desperation.
so which community should you join? but before you do that, you need to know the destination. think about where you want to go.
is it becoming ai first? or becoming the best at "X skill"? or maybe becoming a founder in 2 years?
once you know that, look for three things in any community.
first: extreme curation. communities aren’t about headcount. they’re about density. the denser the ambition and experience inside, the sharper the conversations you’ll have. and density only comes from curation.
you should look if the community actually rejects people? most claim to be “selective” but let in anyone who says they’re building. that leads to noise and shallow takes. paid communities usually beats free because money forces intent. long applications beat open doors because friction signals commitment.
second: values alignment you can tell a community’s values from the outside if you know where to look. start with the marketing copy. if it screams “top 1%” or “10x your growth,” run. that’s not ambition, that’s filler. then look at who’s already inside. are they actually building things, or just talking about building things?
watch how people meet. is it 100s of people packed into a hall, or 8 people solving real problems around a table? the structure tells you everything. the same goes for design choices. websites, products, even the way members write or speak: ALL of it reflects the values of the group. don’t ignore the red flags just because the logo looks nice.
third: the access. communities come in two forms. the online ones and the offline ones.
online is always on, the place you go when chatgpt doesn’t cannot answer your question, when you hit a wall and need a sounding board. for most professionals, this happens twice a week. the value lies in how quickly people respond and what they share. are they posting real struggles like “i can’t crack this growth problem” or are they writing linkedin poetry about their “thrilled to announce” moments? the difference tells you everything about the quality of help you’ll get.
offline is where texture comes in. debates, problem solving, rants, or just plain bakar over a table. the format matters. if meetups feel like mini conferences, you’ll walk away empty. if they feel like dinners where conversations flow and walls drop, that’s where trust builds. and trust is what makes the learning stick.
once you find a community that passes these filters, what do you actually do? because joining is just the entry. the real work starts after you're in.
not meetings.
don’t network. take actions. let me explain.
remember how Abhishek & I met? we met at the foosball table in sokrati, we met because we choose the right environment (ambitious over safe jobs). but not everyone i met in sokrati are in my network. abhi & i took actions. we took actions that help us bond. how? i was leading sokrati’s seo charter for a while. i was looking for highly smart folks working on cutting edge adtech strategies and make them public. who better than people who were working at sokrati. the company was managing more than 6,000cr of ad budgets. abhishek wanted to write about his learnings, but he hadn’t written earlier, i edited his first article at sokrati. post that conversation we both knew we loved "growth."
****do you remember that startup summit you went to last month? you took selfies with 10 people. posted about "amazing connections." how many have you spoken to since? zero. that product conclave where you sat through 3 panels? you learned nothing you couldn't have googled. those 147 linkedin connections from last quarter? you can't remember 10 names.
real connections form through shared work. debugging code at 2am. writing together every friday. sharing actual numbers, real problems, real failures. shipping that side project. losing that client. trying again.
communities harness this. but most of us think it's about meeting successful people. it's not. it's about finding people heading to the same destination as you.
at different career stages: you have different destinations. some simple (learn a new tool). some hard (build a company). what matters is going there with others.
early career? your destination is competence. you're trying to prove you can actually do the work. not talk about it. do it. this week's small destination might be learning cursor. you've been procrastinating for weeks.
post this: "exploring cursor tomorrow at thirdwave, 3pm. been putting this off forever. anyone else?" two people show up. by week 3, you're all using it daily.
this month's bigger destination could be shipping something real. "building my first side project. 30 days. starting this weekend. who's also been talking about this but never starting?" watch how accountability changes everything.
this year? become undeniable at something. "doing 100 days of public learning on growth. daily posts. who wants to pick their own topic and do this together?" by day 100, you'll have a body of work nobody can ignore.
are you mid career? your destination is ownership. you know how to execute. now you need to own outcomes, not just tasks.
gather people for real work: "tearing down our competitor's pricing this friday. painful but necessary. anyone want to do their own analysis sitting together?" suddenly you're all speaking the language of business, not just product.
ship for revenue:
"shipping something that makes $1000. not talking about it. doing it. 30 days. who's in?" nothing teaches ownership like customers paying you money.
build a brain trust: find 3 others transitioning from IC to owner. meet monthly. share actual numbers. real p&l discussions. real feedback. no linkedin poetry.
<aside>
did you know? this is how GrowthX, literally! AP & I were transitioning from IC to owner. shoutout to Sunil N and the OG gang. you’ll know who you are.
GrowthX 2019
</aside>
your destination is leverage
start building in public: "writing what i actually know. every friday, 4pm, starbucks. who else is scared of looking stupid?" vulnerability at this stage hits different.
teach what you know: "running my first workshop. free. need practice. who else wants to test their teaching?" teaching forces clarity you didn't know you lacked.
build systems: create a playbook with 2 others. open source it. let juniors build on what you've learned.
senior execs should start building. the network follows.
not advice.